as the weight incrementally increased,
she folded her desire in half,
then in half again,
and again,
until she could barely feel it at all,
tucking it into that hidden corner of her heart,
a minuscule origami equal in measure to her worth
amidst the chaos,
amidst all I don’t know,
all that isn’t mine to maneuver,
all that is out of my reach,
I know this familiar misery,
this misery that’s all mine
and I can make as much as I want
they had all gathered to celebrate,
a room full of family from near and far,
her longing to see them equal in measure to the anxiety she felt in a crowded room,
one full of prickly expectation
she tried so hard to be the mirror others expected her to be,
but her smile was like a wound that had thickened as it healed,
nothing but rough, numb skin where nerve endings once existed
I long, again,
to feel the crisp kick of sunrise in my chest,
the awe of iridescent silver pouring over rippled water,
the sweet illumination of seeable song,
an angel lifting her head in a triumphant
hello
the earth rotates at a speed
of one thousand miles per hour,
while simultaneously orbiting the sun
at a speed of sixty-seven thousand miles per hour
sometimes I feel those two speeds,
acutely, in my body at once
when, beneath my feet,
the world feels spongy,
no longer solid and dependable,
but porous and deceptive
at the same time,
everything is slowly clicking into focus,
becoming crystal clear,
real, maybe for the first time
