I have been beyond tired, beyond lonely –
simultaneously lonely and never alone,
with an emptiness settling in so deeply,
it was a stone inside of me,
hard and sharp
my past and my fears are the leaden shackles I have always felt a duty to escape;
my rest is formed by my waking life,
and my waking life has too often been formed by feelings of defeat,
sorrows I allow to permeate as I set forth in my duty
but, in the center of my core,
I have always known it is possible to break the old, rusted, fear-forged chains of the past,
to encourage elements to transition from one state into another,
transforming and casting an entirely new life
sadly, chains made of blood and memory are a million times more difficult to sever than those made of steel,
and the past has a tendency to overtake me when I am not paying enough attention,
or, when I pay too much,
and I’ll find myself making the same mistakes as those who’ve come before me,
with the same resentments set to boil
but, I have also been tired, yet content,
simultaneously fulfilled and alone, but never lonely,
hard-won self knowledge settling in so deeply,
silence and gratitude are all I need to feed the gentle stillness in my soul
because those old, rusty chains do eventually break,
even though the breaking is an endlessly tiresome business,
and when I look the fearful past in the face and call it by its name,
it loses its rigidity and strength,
becoming just another corroding element,
flaking away with time
-image via Pexels; shared as part of the dVerse Poet Pub’s prompt, The Art of Confessional in Poetry
A burden of our past… family and sins… I like the thought of those chains eroding…. but maybe it leaves us stranded and alone in the end.
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Nice contrasts in these two lines: “simultaneously lonely and never alone,” and “simultaneously fulfilled and alone, but never lonely,”
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Thank you, Frank!
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This is the single most gorgeously written confessional I have ever read. I can feel the pain, the underlying emotions that course through .. pushing the soul towards healing, towards strength and hope. You’re an amazing writer, Angela! ❤️
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Wow, Sanaa, thank you so much. I’m humbled! I can tell you have much that means. 💜
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A beautifully powerful written confession of an inner struggle and strength to overcome!
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Thank you so much, Lynn.
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Sometimes we can be so inundated with stuff, people, responsibility, etc. that we become inefficient and do surrounded by the chaos that we are very much alone Angela. But you project a beautiful outlook and strength in focus and purpose
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Yes, that’s so true, Rob. Thank you so much and thanks for reading.
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Yes, there is a state of being ‘simultaneously lonely and never alone’ and I like how you’ve described the emptiness as a stone – we have an internal rhyme there too! It is so hard to let the past go, to be shackled to self-doubt, regrets and fears with ‘chains made of blood and memory’. I’m so glad your poem ended with a glimmer of hope.
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Thank you so much, Kim, and thanks for reading.
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Powerfully written – the emotion deeply conveyed, and the strength of resilience.
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Thank you so much, VJ.
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You’re welcome.
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I like this line: “… the past has a tendency to overtake me when I am not paying enough attention,
or, when I pay too much,…” all of life is a balancing act, perhaps especially the past.
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Thank you so much, Maggie. Yes, I agree!
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So much strength, so much hope! You express with beauty and grace, what my own heart longs to express.
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Thank you, Susan! I can say the very same about you. 💜
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Your talent with words Angela…is…so amazing!
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Thank you so much, Kat. It makes me so happy they speak to you or touch you in some way! Thank you for bringing your light. 💜
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