Elements

I have been beyond tired, beyond lonely –
simultaneously lonely and never alone,
with an emptiness settling in so deeply,
it was a stone inside of me,
hard and sharp

my past and my fears are the leaden shackles I have always felt a duty to escape;
my rest is formed by my waking life,
and my waking life has too often been formed by feelings of defeat,
sorrows I allow to permeate as I set forth in my duty

but, in the center of my core,
I have always known it is possible to break the old, rusted, fear-forged chains of the past,
to encourage elements to transition from one state into another,
transforming and casting an entirely new life

sadly, chains made of blood and memory are a million times more difficult to sever than those made of steel,
and the past has a tendency to overtake me when I am not paying enough attention,
or, when I pay too much,
and I’ll find myself making the same mistakes as those who’ve come before me,
with the same resentments set to boil

but, I have also been tired, yet content,
simultaneously fulfilled and alone, but never lonely,
hard-won self knowledge settling in so deeply,
silence and gratitude are all I need to feed the gentle stillness in my soul

because those old, rusty chains do eventually break,
even though the breaking is an endlessly tiresome business,
and when I look the fearful past in the face and call it by its name,
it loses its rigidity and strength,
becoming just another corroding element,
flaking away with time

-image via Pexels; shared as part of the dVerse Poet Pub’s prompt, The Art of Confessional in Poetry

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20 thoughts on “Elements

  1. This is the single most gorgeously written confessional I have ever read. I can feel the pain, the underlying emotions that course through .. pushing the soul towards healing, towards strength and hope. You’re an amazing writer, Angela! ❤️

    Like

  2. Sometimes we can be so inundated with stuff, people, responsibility, etc. that we become inefficient and do surrounded by the chaos that we are very much alone Angela. But you project a beautiful outlook and strength in focus and purpose

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Yes, there is a state of being ‘simultaneously lonely and never alone’ and I like how you’ve described the emptiness as a stone – we have an internal rhyme there too! It is so hard to let the past go, to be shackled to self-doubt, regrets and fears with ‘chains made of blood and memory’. I’m so glad your poem ended with a glimmer of hope.

    Liked by 1 person

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