the funeral goes by in a slow waltz of shiny cars,
perfectly pressed black suits,
and choreographed tears,
and I think to myself –
is it all bitter, in the end?
because, in my experience,
that’s the way smoke always speaks as it rises,
the way others’ eyes painfully prophesize,
the way the mirror constantly fogs
history has planted seeds of pain so deep,
so bitter it taints everything I savor,
but the painful truth is –
my story is stale;
I can’t let go of it,
because if I did,
I wouldn’t be a victim anymore
who would I be, then,
without the luxury of living in the past,
without the invisibility of living in my head,
without the decaying wall that so carefully keeps it all in?
I have always wanted to do something that matters,
something important,
something that leaves a precious piece of myself behind,
but I constantly deceive myself –
in order to do that,
I have to do the dirty work
but I sometimes pretend to do the work,
when, in reality,
I’m making shiny the excuses I’ve disguised as dirty work;
I’m a foggy mirror,
a faulty cog,
an enabler
tired is just an excuse;
I’m afraid,
I have always been afraid
I’m afraid I’ll never be able to stand on stage alone,
baring my fucking soul,
taking the risk of not knowing if I’ll be applauded or booed,
and the crazy thing is –
I think I’m most afraid of being applauded
the funeral goes by in a slow waltz of shiny cars,
perfectly pressed black suits,
and choreographed tears
mine among them
-image via Pexels
At least you are owning. it… I empathise with the fear and it does make us make all kinds of excuses. I see this more and more in myself lately. A poem chock laden with insight and well crafted
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you so much! 💜
LikeLike
Exquisite, sister!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you, Sister! 💜 Love to you.
LikeLiked by 1 person
So much!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Oh my! And yes to the truth of this. Beautifully written, Angela! 💜
LikeLiked by 1 person
I’m happy you enjoyed it, Meg! I appreciate you saying so. Thank you. 💜
LikeLiked by 1 person
You’re most welcome!
LikeLiked by 1 person
POWERFUL!!! Spoke directly to my soul. 💕
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you, Amelia! I’m so happy it did. 💜
LikeLiked by 1 person
WOW!!!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you so much, Kunal!! 💜
LikeLiked by 1 person
Oh my….this is exquisite writing that takes my breath away. The tears are flowing freely right now.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you, Susan. Poetry cracks open the rib cage, doesn’t it?! I’m happy it spoke to you and touched you in some way. That’s the best compliment of all to me. That’s what it’s all about! And please know that conversations with you inspire me to dig deeper as well. Love to you!💜
LikeLiked by 1 person
This is the best explanation I have ever read, of what poetry does!!!! Your writing always moves me, Angela!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you, Susan! Love to you. 💜
LikeLiked by 1 person