not long ago,
if someone had asked me,
I’d have said my husband was the most important thing in the world to me,
but he wasn’t,
not then
what was most important to me wasn’t love or passion or trust,
but my ability to lie convincingly to myself,
to believe I was strong
and I’m not sure who I couldn’t forgive for finding out I wasn’t,
for knowing all along I wasn’t –
him or me
-image via Pexels
Heart Breathings 
Pingback: Priorities — Heart Breathings – Sex With Luna
Thank you
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Reblogged this on The Reluctant Poet and commented:
Don’t Miss Angela’s – PRIORITIES
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Thank you, Chuck!
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Wonderful and powerful poem, Angela. I agree with so many that your writing lately is filled with strength and honestly. Sometimes its hard to look honestly at our heart and soul!!! So beautifully penned, My Dear!! So hoping this is fiction and not autobiographical?????
Bellissimo, Angela, Bellissimo!!
xoxoxo
Chuck
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Thank you so much, Chuck. It definitely is! But that process is necessary to me. It is autobiographical to an extent. I did fear vulnerability in many ways and feel I had to be strong all the time. It feels wonderful not to carry that burden anymore. Thank you again, Chuck!
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This was excellent. Perhaps one of your best.
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Thanks so much, Drew!
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i often apologise to myself for not being what my children think i am, its a sobering moment. Your poetry is strong Angela and I so believe you are too. In taking your time to discover yourself, you will see it and feel it.
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But you are to them! It’s easy to see ourselves differently and not see how we are in other people’s eyes. Thank you, Gina. I appreciate your support and confidence more than I can say. I am strong; I’ve worked hard the last many years to be the healthy kind of strong. The one I’m speaking of in the poem isn’t the healthy kind, it’s the kind that builds walls, fosters shame, and protects feelings of not being worthy. My healthy kind includes being vulnerable, open, asking for and accepting help, and showing my true self in all it’s messiness. That’s been tough!
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All of your poems lately are making me cry, Angela. This is a good thing!!!! This poem is no exception. It is really strong and sad and beautiful. This line really gutted me,”and I’m not sure who I couldn’t forgive for finding out I wasn’t,”.
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I’m glad it’s a good thing!! Thank you so much, Susan. Keeping that belief alive is so freaking tiring! And the shame of feeling like too much, a burden, or of actually truly needing someone and their help for myself kept me striving to keep it alive for a long time. I just got too tired of it.
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So much love to you, my friend!
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And to you!
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Susan is right. You have posted some wonderful poetry. This one is no exception. Another theme many of us can relate to.
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Thank you, Basilike! And I fixed it.
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Thank you!
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No problem.
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